A Frustrated Saturday Morning Some Time In Oct 2005

the agony of having to work on a saturday...... people are still in their beds, for crying out loud. i waste 96 hours in a year on working saturdays, would u believe it? 8 days! i can paint my habitat with the 8 days. speaking of my habitat, i can see much progress going on since possession of the keys. yes, an ecosystem has been established, mould n amoeba r in place, setting the stage for complex organism settlement. spiders are spotted with occasional sightings of mosquitoes and flies. henceforth, the food chain is complete, photosynthesis is up, very soon evolution will kick in, igniting rapid mitosis to form the alpha male, i.e. me. homo sapiens are known to provide much needed equilibrium to systems, how is tht achieved, u ask? we r equipped with much advanced brain, capable of creating tools to elevate work n convert energy. humans indirectly monitor the balance of all species on earth, e.g. when a certain species starts to over-populate n disrupts the system, humans will bring back the necessary balance via various means. that also answers the question of y humans created aerosols, fly-trap, vehicles, heat-seeking missiles, nitrogen bombs, napalm, AK-47s, Freon, filtered Class A cigarettes, TRL.
the malaysian wheel of economy is spinning again, thanks very much to increased usage of credit for GDP growth. ppl are buying houses, cars, cellphones, plasma tvs from credit. with increased consumption, GDP will grow, providing more jobs, followed by further consumption n GDP improvement. It is however, sad to know that utopia may in fact be brief. we have reached the tail-end of the normal econmic cycle, in 2007, it is prophesized that stock market shall take a plunge, interest rate will hit the ceiling, the only persons laughing will be the retirees with their cash under their pillows n in fixed deposits. as i smoke downstairs, i can see signs of prosperity everywhere, new buildings with retailers n franchises coming in, i was told Starbucks is coming in. i can see ppl lining up at the ATMs n the counters waiting to pay their mortgages n car loans, n they come to the bank in their QACxxxx car plate Vios n Airtreks. i'm indeed proud of the city n the achievements we have made. kudos.

pseudo-science babble

I wonder why many people tend to gain weight easily, few kgs in just days... That goes to say that every 1kg of food that you put in your mouth will not mean 1kg additional weight on your body, it's in fact a lot more, cell build-up which also retains water will build mass.... so it's not a simple 1+1 = 2kg formula.. But it's not the case for me! My body doesn't make economic sense. Do you know there's a study that if you drop food on the ground, you can still pick it up and consume it if you do it within 5 seconds of dropping it?? And from that same research, it's found that women have greater tendency to eat food that's dropped to the floor than men, disgusting..... Another research says that you have greater suicide rate if you listen to country music.

Talking Shit About Nothing

I think ugly people are a DNA blow-up, a mathematical error. I think God is the static you see on TV.

The Future Is Now

There should be a law to say that ugly people cannot be considered human, we should create a class just for them, give it a name to legitimize them. Wanna know what the future's like?? My crystal ball shows images of a factory where ugly people are lined up in file, standing on conveyor belts, delivered to the Central Betterment System a.k.a. motherfucking grinder. The 'raw materials' will be selected based on good body parts, assembled together to form Tyleroids. We will no longer see ugly people walking on the streets, instead we have a sub-race called Tyleroids, they have ugly scars from the stitching of body parts together, but they sure have pretty faces, coz I made their heads to look like mine. As induction in celebration of their rebirths, Tyleroids are required to kick their former heads around as footballs, to show their gratitude for their gift of a better body and to prove their disdain for their former faces.

Tyleroids' societal hierarchy will be pre-determined in a proper system created by yours truly. Former black hip hoppers will be turned white, so when they do their ‘thang’, they will be called white trash, hence discouraged from doing so. Former white trash will be converted to Hispanic hombres, they will be so occupied with their shit in sweatshops that they won't think of unproductive things like wanna be homies. Whores will be given 3 more vaginas so they get fucked more. Gay males will be granted 1 additional penis with their anuses stitched shut as 'incentive'. Lesbian lovers will be sent to character correctional facilities, they will lick stamps everyday instead of pussies. Politicians will have assholes on their foreheads. Other Tyleroids will be randomly given body parts, they are the entertainers, so that us, humans, can point at them and throw insults. As for really useless limbs and heads and leftovers from the factory, they will be made meat patties, served to Tyleroids.

Tyleroids will end their lives with a bang. 2 methods, first, they will be accelerated skywards, to the point of incineration. Second, placed in capsules and again, sent to space. Capsules will unlock and we can watch them implode in vacuum. All these will be properly documented for scientific studies. Of course the projectiles will be fabricated in plants operated by humans, so that Tyleroids cannot tamper with quality control.

Life In a Nutshell

Deoxyribonucleic acid, love that word, so long, so complex, just like its structure... Deoxy-motherfucking-ribonucleic acid, why are we worshipping Gods and neglecting DNA? Humans are ungrateful... DNA should be a religion, without its existence we won't be here, without its stable double helix structure, we would have been monkeys or zebras or toads or amoebas or Ozzy Osbourne.

I Hate Humanity

• The successful ones with financial freedom, I envy their determination and their prep looks and their expensive but tasteless fashion senses.
• The dumb ones simply for their stupidity, the leftists and right-wings and freedom fighters and whatever for their extremism in pure nothingness.
• The intellectual think-tanks who make policies and ideas and theories so flawless, but only work in paper and ink.
• The engineers who come out with products that only work within the 1-year warranty period and the marketing guys who sell us things we don’t even need.
• The motorcyclists riding in the middle of the lane at 30km / hour even though you are clearly visible from their rear view mirrors.
• The 20-year-old Ah Bengs in their pimped up RAV4s and Hondas doing 140kmph with hot chicks and high-end Clarions playing Westlife on repeat.
• The I-earn-RM2K-n-I-blow-RM3k-on-Chivas yuppies pouring glass after glass of that 'wonder' elixir mixed with green tea oh my god I’m gonna be sick!
• The beggars and elderly and handicapped on social welfare making the average income earners feel guilty for nothing when they can't squeeze an ounce of sympathy from the richer citizens.
• The irresponsibly nonchalant parents who bring the entire family on a single Honda cub, you sympathize with them but at the same time you keep thinking, death comes in a package.
• The fucking concept of democracy where those representing the people of the state are reaping benefits off every single citizen and still get away with it.
• The hideous and ugly people who still believe they can win other's affection with their looks.
• The denials of society who tell themselves they have a perfect family, great sex life with their equally amazing partner, smart kids, great jobs and interesting lifestyles.
• The pointlessly stupid notion of the fallacy that you should buy a car, a double-storey terrace house, get married and have kids. Fuck me, does that equal happiness?

Sigh, what’s wrong with this fucking place......

We Come In Peace

I am a rockstar trapped inside a modern white-collar slave's body. I am not human, I came from a planet called Ibanez where residents there are called rockstars. My spacecraft crashed on earth in 1977, leaving me no choice but to adopt a human form to escape captivation. Do you know there are actually several rockstars who made it to earth before me? The first ever rockstar who stayed here was Jesus. Yup, you read correctly, J.C.. It’s funny how humans can't link that fact with him as a rockstar:- dirty long hair, the goatee, semi-naked appearance, hello?! So now you know that J.C. is a rockstar huh? Jimi Hendrix's also from Ibanez ya know? Humans thought he's talented coz he can play the guitar so fast, I’ll let you in on his secret, his fingers are filled with micro-fingers! Then there's Ozzy Osbourne who bit off a bat's head on stage, he was just thirsty... and people thought it's rebellion or satan-worship... then we have disillusioned James Brown, now that guy thought he can fool everyone by creating soul music, but his smooth dance moves with his nimble legs blow it away, those are tentacles, how can normal humans move like him, right?

let me tell you about my work shoes

Man I love this pair of shoes, not only the price is reasonable, there's a feature which I think is hard to find. As I walk along tiled floors, my shoes make this real sexy sound, like sounds made by military as they march. Specifically, it's the sound prisoners fear the most when they are in their respective cells during midnight, they know for sure something's gonna happen to anyone of them when they hear the footsteps of the General along the prison alley, choosing which POWs to torture. If I get my walking rhythm correct, people in office would have easily thought it's the freaking SS troopers invading Kuching. With this sound, I’m sending these messages:-

'Fuck off asshole, you don’t wanna get hurt do ya?'

'Lick my shoes, maggot! I will pull the trigger if I don’t see my reflection on my shoes'

'Resistance is futile, surrender your weapons, line up in a single file and wait for your turn to be executed'

'Achtung, tyrant approaching'

This may just be the launchpad for my career as a poet

Bite-chew-swallow
Verse-chorus-verse
Water is to china
And air is to bell-air
The sun rises in the west
And the moon sets in the east

Hail Mary full of grace
Father, stay away from the boy's ass
I’m running out of cigarettes
But I ain't paying no taxes
Look, it's George W. Bush on MTV
Hey are you listening to me?

Naked monks chasing dragons under cherry blossom tree
Handshakes, briefcase, pointless formality
I dream of Gandhi in technicolor glory
Wake me up when the movie's over, buddy